I have been thinking about grace lately. Sadly, the cornerstone of the Christian faith that also happens to be my namesake, has not been a significant point of reflection for me throughout the years. Most of my life, I have understood grace as the free favor of God toward humans, which is necessary for salvation. The last few months here in Honduras have slowly taught me that grace is also the only avenue through which I have the possibility to live a life of peace, hope, joy, lament, and reconciliation.
Sola gratia. I have changed the name of this blog for two main reasons: 1) I can use a reminder of how and why it is that I am able to do anything for the kingdom and for the glory of God, and 2) I am no longer teaching.
God, in infinite wisdom, allowed me to come Honduras to learn many things, but one of them was not to teach. Yesterday was my last day at the school, and it was filled with surprises from some of my favorite and then more unruly students. I crossed paths with seventy-five 10th graders this fall, and only God knows why. Last night, the school put on a Thanksgiving dinner for the staff and administration- a wonderful note to end on- which allowed me to get a head start on thinking about for what I am thankful.
I am thankful for faithfulness. By the mercy of God, I have a job with Association for a More Just Society (AJS). The Christian NGO's goal is to help transform Honduras, and the world, into a more just society. ( All of this is taken from their website: www.ajs-us.org). To this end, AJS supports efforts in Honduras that promote the interests of the most poor in legislative projects, defend the rights of the most vulnerable in judicial processes, increase the awareness and democratic participation of churches to practice the Biblical teachings on justice, and publish journalistic investigations on issues that affect the poor of Honduras.
I will begin working as an AJS fellow, here in Tegucigalpa, Honduras, beginning next week. My resonsibilities will include corresponding with supporters, attending visitors at the office, coordinating board calls, taking on some aspects of newsletter design, monthly emails, and web updates, processing new Justice Club sign-ups, and translating material. In addition, I will be assisting with a youth transformation project in Nueva Suyapa. I am in true awe of what God is blessing me to do at AJS. As I eagerly anticipate becoming part of this community of believers who have actively taken up the call of Micah 6:8, to " act justly," I give thanks to God for his faithfulness that brought me to this place.
I am thankful for grace. This grace turns my soul to God who compels me to empty myself so that God in me may finally begin to work. Only by grace, can I have true joy that does not falter in the face of failure, loneliness, and the incomplete. The grace that allows me to live is also the same which teaches me to live with unanswered questions. We know only a portion o f the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. This has been the cornerstone of my faith.
I Corinthians 13 lays it out: We don't see things clearly. We're squnting in a fog, peering through a mist. Until the completeness comes, when we'll see clearly as God sees,we must do three things that lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. I give thanks for the grace that can lead me to trust, hope, and love.
I am thankful for love. I have experienced God's love in the quiet moments of prayer, through friends' reassuring words , in the sights and smells of a creation, and through the innumerable ways that God tells me " I am here," everyday. I believe that because God loves, grace is dispensed undiscriminately. How else can I understand the times when I have least deserved it, I have known God's love? There exists a recipricol relationship between love and grace; I am able to truly love only after God has gives me the grace to do it. I Corinthians talks about how we are bankrupt with out love. To live is to love because loving is meant to lead to an intricate dance of lament, joy, suffering, and reconciliation. I pray God grants me the grace to live.
The following prayer and verse is a familiar one, but it brings a deeper meaning now that I see that grace is involved not only in the act of God's countenance shining upon me, but also in the act of me smiling back.
The Lord bless you, and keep you;
The Lordmake His face shine on you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance on you,
And give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26
I miss all of you dearly. I am exceedingly thankful to belong to the body of Christ, who support and uphold each other in prayer. When I have felt downtrodden, God has placed somebody there to walk with me through the fog and mist. I am deepyly thankful to you friend.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
I learn by going where I have to go.
I have started attending a church in a movie theatre. The cine-iglesia is called Redencion. The first service to which I went, they were still meeting in a hotel in the downtown area. Then I came to their bible study on a Tuesday and by the end of that night, I was signed-up to be part of their praise and worship team. Hilariously, on my second service, I was already singing in front of church. The church has a wonderful mission to meet people where they transit, which ends up being in more non-conventional places like the shopping center, Plaza Miraflores where the theatre is located. Our bible study groups will branch out from the liquadas business- a fruit smoothie-type establishment- where we now meet, to coffee shops, different universities, and in members’ homes.
It is very exciting to be part of this fledging church. We rock-out with a full band on Sundays, watch announcements on the “ big screen”, hear the word of God while sitting in movie theatre seats, and yes, the presence of God is very much in that place. We are a small group, and the moment I entered the group, I was warmly received into part of their family. They have lavished me with so much prayer and encouragement, ministering to me as the body of Christ by providing me with much needed spiritual direction.
Tuesday was the first day of first quarter exams. Everything was in place; so, naturally, everything had to go terribly wrong. All my exams were missing one page. We didn’t find this out until after they had all been distributed. To make matters worse, there were two versions of the test for both 10th and 11th grade - in order to minimize cheating- and my 90 odd students were scattered in ten different classrooms- also to minimize cheating- in the high school. Results: chaos. Copies had to be made expeditiously. I had to go to, literally, every single student and give them their added page, while at the same time, trying to entertain questions about the exam. I thought I understood the meaning of the word trust. I thought I understood the meaning of the word patience. Well, I was wrong on both counts.
God is teaching me many hard lessons on how to not just “ talk “ about having faith in Him, but actually living in this faith every day. Hebrews 11 talks about how this discipline is God’s training so that we might truly live lives of true worship and obedience. Being trained in the lessons of faith is not easy, but I believe that the alternative is far worse. Dallas Willard writes ,” Non discipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in the light of God's overriding governance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most
discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand
the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly the abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring."
I want this kind of abundant life. So I guess that means more training for me. I really enjoyed this following poem for many reasons; I hope you will too.
The Waking
by Theodore Roethke
I wake to sleep, and I take my waking slow
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear,
I learn by going where I have go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air.
And lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
Love, Love, and more Love,
Grace
It is very exciting to be part of this fledging church. We rock-out with a full band on Sundays, watch announcements on the “ big screen”, hear the word of God while sitting in movie theatre seats, and yes, the presence of God is very much in that place. We are a small group, and the moment I entered the group, I was warmly received into part of their family. They have lavished me with so much prayer and encouragement, ministering to me as the body of Christ by providing me with much needed spiritual direction.
Tuesday was the first day of first quarter exams. Everything was in place; so, naturally, everything had to go terribly wrong. All my exams were missing one page. We didn’t find this out until after they had all been distributed. To make matters worse, there were two versions of the test for both 10th and 11th grade - in order to minimize cheating- and my 90 odd students were scattered in ten different classrooms- also to minimize cheating- in the high school. Results: chaos. Copies had to be made expeditiously. I had to go to, literally, every single student and give them their added page, while at the same time, trying to entertain questions about the exam. I thought I understood the meaning of the word trust. I thought I understood the meaning of the word patience. Well, I was wrong on both counts.
God is teaching me many hard lessons on how to not just “ talk “ about having faith in Him, but actually living in this faith every day. Hebrews 11 talks about how this discipline is God’s training so that we might truly live lives of true worship and obedience. Being trained in the lessons of faith is not easy, but I believe that the alternative is far worse. Dallas Willard writes ,” Non discipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in the light of God's overriding governance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most
discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand
the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly the abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring."
I want this kind of abundant life. So I guess that means more training for me. I really enjoyed this following poem for many reasons; I hope you will too.
The Waking
by Theodore Roethke
I wake to sleep, and I take my waking slow
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear,
I learn by going where I have go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air.
And lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
Love, Love, and more Love,
Grace
Monday, October 15, 2007
This is not about your abilities
Today is the first day-off for us IST teachers. However, this break did not translate into a weekend of travel due to the pending 1st quarter exams next week and the impressive piles of work that come as a result. Nevertheless, I was able to fit in a highly anticipated visit to Nueva Suyapa, to meet some old and new friends. I am now a volunteer for our favorite Honduran organization, Association for More Just Society ( ASJ), working with the youth transformation project in Nueva Suyapa, one of the poorest neighborhoods in Tegucigalpa
There were about a dozen youth ranging from 13-20 years old, meeting in the newly established recreation room on the Onesimo school grounds. It was exhilirating to hear every single one of these leaders-in- training, voice their desire to see a change in their neighborhood. Fortunately, I was not obligated to contribute much, mostly because they were evaluating their work from the last year. Regardless, it was so important for me to just sit and listen to them share their past experiences and their goals for the future of the group. Please pray for the continued strengthening of this group of youth in Nueva Suyapa and the work they do for the betterment of their neighborhood. Since I am stepping in to provide support for this project and feel quite underqualified, please say a prayer for me as well.
As an answer to prayer,a teacher this week shared a verse from Exodus 4:11-12 that uplifted me. In Chapter 4, Moses is confused about why he is chosen for this daunting task of speaking for the Hebrew people and asks God to find someone " better qualified." Then the Lord responds- get ready for this one-, " Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who give them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." God is basically saying- this is not about your abilities, it's about mine. Whoa- powerful stuff. Recently, I have been feeling underqualified in so many areas of life ,but I have to hold steadfast to the truth that my gifts and talents come from God. This experience is allowing me to clearly see and trust that he is in control of every situation.
Thank-you friends and family for the encouraging emails and phonecalls this week; I can't thank you enough. I covet your prayers since it is going to be a very difficult week. I have always dreaded exam week and now I am the one the one distributing pain and suffering via tests. How do teachers manage?
Love, Love, and more Love
Grace
There were about a dozen youth ranging from 13-20 years old, meeting in the newly established recreation room on the Onesimo school grounds. It was exhilirating to hear every single one of these leaders-in- training, voice their desire to see a change in their neighborhood. Fortunately, I was not obligated to contribute much, mostly because they were evaluating their work from the last year. Regardless, it was so important for me to just sit and listen to them share their past experiences and their goals for the future of the group. Please pray for the continued strengthening of this group of youth in Nueva Suyapa and the work they do for the betterment of their neighborhood. Since I am stepping in to provide support for this project and feel quite underqualified, please say a prayer for me as well.
As an answer to prayer,a teacher this week shared a verse from Exodus 4:11-12 that uplifted me. In Chapter 4, Moses is confused about why he is chosen for this daunting task of speaking for the Hebrew people and asks God to find someone " better qualified." Then the Lord responds- get ready for this one-, " Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who give them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." God is basically saying- this is not about your abilities, it's about mine. Whoa- powerful stuff. Recently, I have been feeling underqualified in so many areas of life ,but I have to hold steadfast to the truth that my gifts and talents come from God. This experience is allowing me to clearly see and trust that he is in control of every situation.
Thank-you friends and family for the encouraging emails and phonecalls this week; I can't thank you enough. I covet your prayers since it is going to be a very difficult week. I have always dreaded exam week and now I am the one the one distributing pain and suffering via tests. How do teachers manage?
Love, Love, and more Love
Grace
Saturday, October 6, 2007
A new day to write on
Attention Everyone: I am still alive!
Many apologies for the unnecessarily long delay in updating this blog; there were many times when I longed to be free to just write. It would be an understatement to simply say, “ I’ve been busy.”
Teaching has become a bottomless pit of work. It has steadily put a great strain on me, both physically and emotionally. In the last weeks, I have felt overwhelmed and overworked, to name only a few emotions. A fellow teacher shared with me the other day that the first months of teaching is all “ give, give, give,” with little to nothing received in return. I have felt the acute consequences of such a process.
After the initial two-week initiation, I assumed that I was winning the battle over classroom management- big mistake. I presume that what I was witnessing was the “ quiet before the storm” because the kids lambasted me with every comprehensible trick in the book, including those I never would have imagined. Austin, this is what you have been waiting (I am sure) to hear from me. It began slowly and annoyingly with my attendance and seating charts going “ missing” and the occasional abrupt singing of “ happy birthday” by the entire class. Then it escalated to the disappearance of my dry-erase markers and the incessant, paper ball throwing games behind my back. It peaked with someone throwing a pop bottle near my head while I was writing at the board and it culminated with a small fire being started in my class; yes, during class.
Whew, thinking about it still makes me cringe. Needless to say, major steps were immediately taken to prevent any further disaster. All the teachers and administration must have gotten wind of it because I have gotten countless offers of assistance. I had to grow a new layer of thick skin rather quickly and bring down the iron fist that I hastily acquired after the fire incident. The kids noted the change and felt alarmed at the drastic change in my discipline procedures.
I understood that taking on this job would be a challenge. I was ready to be humbled by this experience. I knew that in the beginning everything would appear daunting. I had even succumbed to wait for the moment when I would fail, but all of this did not lessen the intensity of the complete and utter lose of control I felt those days. I suppose I could relate a much longer and detailed account of the events following, but I think all that needs to said in order to calm your worries is that I prayed- a lot.
Of course, I initially despaired, but that quickly leads you to a place you can’t last very long without losing all hope and I find it a contradiction to be a Christian and not have hope. If there is anything that I gained from my undergraduate years at Calvin, it is- good old Christian Reformed theology-since depravity has touched every corner of God’s earth then so much more will God’s redemptive power reach every inch of his created order.
To be perfectly honest, I still don’t have a clue of what I am doing. Someone from church told me God is able to work perfectly in us when we don’t know how to do the work, because then we can be certain that when it is accomplished, it was all his doing. I don’t know how sound of theology that is exactly, but I do understand the underlying message behind the words. I am a big fan of common grace, so that withstanding, I have as of late, been rising in the early morning and acknowledging the fact that in order to do some “ good” that day, I have to empty myself completely and ask God to step in and do the work. God says to cast our worries on him, not so he can take them away, but so that we can be sustaied by his grace that is sufficient for us.
Yesterday, one of my students requested to talk with me in private. I was flabbergasted to hear this girl, who only a day before had stormed out of my class, while giving me the look of death, but now was standing in front of me, not only apologizing, but offering her help to make this a better class. Truly, I don’t know what to expect anymore. Every day is a new possibility to make mistakes and fail, but more importantly it’s also an opportunity to apologize, to be forgiven by the most unlikely of people, and to be redeemed. The following poem reminds me of God’s promise to make all things new, if I let him do the “ writing.” It assures me that tomorrow is another chance to experience God’s redeeming power.
Metaphor
By Eve Merriam
Morning is
A new sheet of paper
For you to write on.
Whatever you want to say
All day
Until night
Folds it up
And files it away.
The bright words and the dark words
Are gone
Until dawn
And a new day
To write on.
Friends and family: please continue to pray for me; I need it. Endless thanks to you Hannah for reminding me of the words of the Heidelberg catechism because my one comfort has truly become that, "I am not my own, but belong body and soul to my Savior." Your words echo in my head: “ Success is overrated. Faithfulness is what we need.” Thank-you dear friend for those pearls of wisdom. Amen.
Love, Love, and more Love,
Grace
Many apologies for the unnecessarily long delay in updating this blog; there were many times when I longed to be free to just write. It would be an understatement to simply say, “ I’ve been busy.”
Teaching has become a bottomless pit of work. It has steadily put a great strain on me, both physically and emotionally. In the last weeks, I have felt overwhelmed and overworked, to name only a few emotions. A fellow teacher shared with me the other day that the first months of teaching is all “ give, give, give,” with little to nothing received in return. I have felt the acute consequences of such a process.
After the initial two-week initiation, I assumed that I was winning the battle over classroom management- big mistake. I presume that what I was witnessing was the “ quiet before the storm” because the kids lambasted me with every comprehensible trick in the book, including those I never would have imagined. Austin, this is what you have been waiting (I am sure) to hear from me. It began slowly and annoyingly with my attendance and seating charts going “ missing” and the occasional abrupt singing of “ happy birthday” by the entire class. Then it escalated to the disappearance of my dry-erase markers and the incessant, paper ball throwing games behind my back. It peaked with someone throwing a pop bottle near my head while I was writing at the board and it culminated with a small fire being started in my class; yes, during class.
Whew, thinking about it still makes me cringe. Needless to say, major steps were immediately taken to prevent any further disaster. All the teachers and administration must have gotten wind of it because I have gotten countless offers of assistance. I had to grow a new layer of thick skin rather quickly and bring down the iron fist that I hastily acquired after the fire incident. The kids noted the change and felt alarmed at the drastic change in my discipline procedures.
I understood that taking on this job would be a challenge. I was ready to be humbled by this experience. I knew that in the beginning everything would appear daunting. I had even succumbed to wait for the moment when I would fail, but all of this did not lessen the intensity of the complete and utter lose of control I felt those days. I suppose I could relate a much longer and detailed account of the events following, but I think all that needs to said in order to calm your worries is that I prayed- a lot.
Of course, I initially despaired, but that quickly leads you to a place you can’t last very long without losing all hope and I find it a contradiction to be a Christian and not have hope. If there is anything that I gained from my undergraduate years at Calvin, it is- good old Christian Reformed theology-since depravity has touched every corner of God’s earth then so much more will God’s redemptive power reach every inch of his created order.
To be perfectly honest, I still don’t have a clue of what I am doing. Someone from church told me God is able to work perfectly in us when we don’t know how to do the work, because then we can be certain that when it is accomplished, it was all his doing. I don’t know how sound of theology that is exactly, but I do understand the underlying message behind the words. I am a big fan of common grace, so that withstanding, I have as of late, been rising in the early morning and acknowledging the fact that in order to do some “ good” that day, I have to empty myself completely and ask God to step in and do the work. God says to cast our worries on him, not so he can take them away, but so that we can be sustaied by his grace that is sufficient for us.
Yesterday, one of my students requested to talk with me in private. I was flabbergasted to hear this girl, who only a day before had stormed out of my class, while giving me the look of death, but now was standing in front of me, not only apologizing, but offering her help to make this a better class. Truly, I don’t know what to expect anymore. Every day is a new possibility to make mistakes and fail, but more importantly it’s also an opportunity to apologize, to be forgiven by the most unlikely of people, and to be redeemed. The following poem reminds me of God’s promise to make all things new, if I let him do the “ writing.” It assures me that tomorrow is another chance to experience God’s redeeming power.
Metaphor
By Eve Merriam
Morning is
A new sheet of paper
For you to write on.
Whatever you want to say
All day
Until night
Folds it up
And files it away.
The bright words and the dark words
Are gone
Until dawn
And a new day
To write on.
Friends and family: please continue to pray for me; I need it. Endless thanks to you Hannah for reminding me of the words of the Heidelberg catechism because my one comfort has truly become that, "I am not my own, but belong body and soul to my Savior." Your words echo in my head: “ Success is overrated. Faithfulness is what we need.” Thank-you dear friend for those pearls of wisdom. Amen.
Love, Love, and more Love,
Grace
Monday, September 24, 2007
A few pictures
I haven't been able to take many pictures because I don't have a camera. These were taken from my little computer during the first week while at school. I think I have a fantastic view of the city from my window. Sometimes docile cows and soaring birds come and visit.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
What are friends for?
Innumerable times this month, I have given thanks for friends. One month ago today, I arrived in Honduras, and I know that my survival has been contingent on God's grace and the army of people that have supported me in prayer. Every online chat, email, skype phonecall, and encouraging word has been one enormous blessing. As I was preparing for my class, I found this poem, whose simplicity captured me immediately, a testament to friendship. Although I still find myself in writing paralysis much of the time, somewhat a result of a new teacher-like scrutiny of my scribbles, writing has become a great outlet, providing, inviting me into a process of catharsis that rejuvinates my life. Now warned, you may proceed with caution.
A few updates:
Vini, vidi, vichi. Well, as far as cooking is concerned. Although hours are poured into this art, I still find much personal satisfaction in my novice cooking skills, especially when it yields spicy curry, tasty salad creations,delightful marinated chickpeas, and widly popular home-made salsa ( Ryan Kruis should be given credit for the latter). Currently, I am brimming with excitement because in my fridge lies loads of fresh, colorful vegetables. All week I have been scheming about the endless possibilities.
Buses are a great place to think and laugh. Last Sunday, I was late to church and thus, in a hurry to catch a bus, but I thought it would be wise to pass up the approaching bus that was spilling out with people (I kid you not). Turn away a potential passenger- never! I was quickly ushered inside only to be placed to stand right next to the driver, momentarily moving my legs to one side every time he needed to shift gears. I had this huge grin on my face the whole time because honestly, when else am I going to get a real front row seat on a bus?
My students continue to test my patience and I find every time I draw for more strength, God is there to give it to me. That said, I was jubilant when one of my tenth graders, the ever garrulous Valle, put his talents to good use and led the class in a discussion about fatalism in poverty, social injustices in society, and Christian stewardship. I could hardly contain myself and reluctantly pressed forward with the rest of the lesson that did not include equally exhilarating topics.
Watch your step when you run. I ran into one of my students the other day while running,and I thought he would be impressed as I began to run the steep hill before us, but instead I must have stepped into a pile of something because he broke out in laughter. So much for that. He was nice enough not to mention it in class the next day and must have taken pity on me because he lingered after class,helping me put the textbooks back in order. Maybe I am making a logical fallacy of some sort, but perhaps embaressing moments can bring people together. Brian, you know what I am talking about here.
I miss libraries. Anyone who knows me, beyond superficially, is aware that I have an abnormal affinity to those great warehouses of inspiration and dreams people dully refer to as libraries. On good years, I tend to be a voracious reader, but even on the odd one, I continue my journey of connecting with another unknown mind through words,imagery, and,story. Now my attentions have turned to Latin American literature. Every day after class, I race home to read another short story by the highly acclaimed author,Gabriel Garcia Marquz. I haven't gotten the nerve to read 100 Years of Solitude,but there is still time.
I am also beginning Spanish classes-yes, I do need them because my Spanish grammer and mechanics needs an enormous overhaul, just ask my former Spanish professors-with the much loved and respected Pablo. I am anxcious to actually advance beyond middle school vocabulary and feel more conident in my Spanish writing. Maybe I will start doing some blog entries in Spanish as well. The more scrutiny, the better.
Oh, and here come the much anticipated poem that is a gratuitous ode to the friends who have, in kindness, poured the love, peace, joy, and hope that God has placed in their hearts, into my life. Melanie Hebert, this definately includes you. Thank-you.
What are friends for?
by Rosellen Brown
What are friends for , my mother asks.
A duty undone, visit missed,
casserole unbaked for sick Jane.
Someone has just made her bitter.
Nothing. They are for nothing, friends,
I think. All they do in the end- they touch you.
They fill you like music.
Love, Love, and more Love,
Grace
A few updates:
Vini, vidi, vichi. Well, as far as cooking is concerned. Although hours are poured into this art, I still find much personal satisfaction in my novice cooking skills, especially when it yields spicy curry, tasty salad creations,delightful marinated chickpeas, and widly popular home-made salsa ( Ryan Kruis should be given credit for the latter). Currently, I am brimming with excitement because in my fridge lies loads of fresh, colorful vegetables. All week I have been scheming about the endless possibilities.
Buses are a great place to think and laugh. Last Sunday, I was late to church and thus, in a hurry to catch a bus, but I thought it would be wise to pass up the approaching bus that was spilling out with people (I kid you not). Turn away a potential passenger- never! I was quickly ushered inside only to be placed to stand right next to the driver, momentarily moving my legs to one side every time he needed to shift gears. I had this huge grin on my face the whole time because honestly, when else am I going to get a real front row seat on a bus?
My students continue to test my patience and I find every time I draw for more strength, God is there to give it to me. That said, I was jubilant when one of my tenth graders, the ever garrulous Valle, put his talents to good use and led the class in a discussion about fatalism in poverty, social injustices in society, and Christian stewardship. I could hardly contain myself and reluctantly pressed forward with the rest of the lesson that did not include equally exhilarating topics.
Watch your step when you run. I ran into one of my students the other day while running,and I thought he would be impressed as I began to run the steep hill before us, but instead I must have stepped into a pile of something because he broke out in laughter. So much for that. He was nice enough not to mention it in class the next day and must have taken pity on me because he lingered after class,helping me put the textbooks back in order. Maybe I am making a logical fallacy of some sort, but perhaps embaressing moments can bring people together. Brian, you know what I am talking about here.
I miss libraries. Anyone who knows me, beyond superficially, is aware that I have an abnormal affinity to those great warehouses of inspiration and dreams people dully refer to as libraries. On good years, I tend to be a voracious reader, but even on the odd one, I continue my journey of connecting with another unknown mind through words,imagery, and,story. Now my attentions have turned to Latin American literature. Every day after class, I race home to read another short story by the highly acclaimed author,Gabriel Garcia Marquz. I haven't gotten the nerve to read 100 Years of Solitude,but there is still time.
I am also beginning Spanish classes-yes, I do need them because my Spanish grammer and mechanics needs an enormous overhaul, just ask my former Spanish professors-with the much loved and respected Pablo. I am anxcious to actually advance beyond middle school vocabulary and feel more conident in my Spanish writing. Maybe I will start doing some blog entries in Spanish as well. The more scrutiny, the better.
Oh, and here come the much anticipated poem that is a gratuitous ode to the friends who have, in kindness, poured the love, peace, joy, and hope that God has placed in their hearts, into my life. Melanie Hebert, this definately includes you. Thank-you.
What are friends for?
by Rosellen Brown
What are friends for , my mother asks.
A duty undone, visit missed,
casserole unbaked for sick Jane.
Someone has just made her bitter.
Nothing. They are for nothing, friends,
I think. All they do in the end- they touch you.
They fill you like music.
Love, Love, and more Love,
Grace
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Last week was a long time ago.
As I slowly walked down the hill home today, I found my thoughts turning to Carlos.
Carlos was born in New York City, but now he lives in Tegucigalpa. Among the sea of blank stares in 10th grade English, he is a bright spot in my class. He animatedly shares his thoughts, opinions, goals, songs, and even favorite dance moves with a quiet confidence.
He recalled today, in response to the unsavory doctor character in the book, The Pearl by John Steinbeck, that in the history of the United States, blacks were considered to be only on-third human. Amazingly, his thoughtful, but off-the-topic comment, was an open window for me to talk about how people, like our villan, can dehumanize other people because of the color of their skin or their social class. Then the skies parted and magically we transitioned into talking about foreshadowing and the importance of looking for clues in the actions of the characters in order to predict the unfolding of the story.
I quite possibly might have been beaming in class.
After asking me if we would do poetry this year, Carlos informed me that he in fact was a poet. He quickly made an addendum to his statement by adding that he was actually a " rapper-poet." His enthusiasm soundly convinced me that he wasn't joshing me. His participation in class( and his varied and eager responses)is undoubtedly one of things I look most forward to in the day. It makes me think I might be of use to somebody here afterall.
Thank-you all for your prayers and thoughts while Hurricane Felix mostly quietly came and left Honduras yesterday. Although, the damage was minimal in Honduras, our friends in Nicaragua did not fare as well. Of course, the most affected were the Miskitia people on the coast of the two countries where, due to the remoteness of the area, officials found it difficult to evacuate many. Continue to pray for the families of this group of people as some, upon being found unconscious, were hospitalized. Eventhough there were many survivors, as the hurricane blasted them, some some were caught in their boats; those rescued have mostly recuperated ,but bodies are continuing to be found washed-up on shore.
President Zelaya called off school for two days and it was an opportune time to catch-up on many things including:
-cooking a good meal. I introduced some of the teachers to Peruvian cuisine. The joy in my mom's voice as I called her for the recipe was enough enouragement to attempt this recipe that for some reason took me two hours to prepare. To my defense, I was sharing stories from my trip to Peru and manuvering a tiny stove at the same time, and we all know how well I do with multi-tasking
- running for the first time after my dengue fever episode. I asked my friend why she thought we kept getting gawked at by people, given that I had concluded that running outside wasn't an oddity since I had seen several runners throughout the weeks. She promptly reminded me that we were 1)women, 2) running, and 3)wearing shorts. Newsflash: being a woman, running in shorts is a sight to see. I was reminded why being a women in Latin American can stink sometimes.
-doing some awesome devotions from a book that I realize only now that I stole from Calvin's Service-Learning Center. Oops. Sorry Jeff
-doing a hilarious Pilates video
-sleeping.... but I actually still woke up at 5 am automatically. Strange.
One of my favorite quotes comes from the movie,Transamerica. The main character sullenly reflects on the recent events of his life and bemoans," Last week was a long time ago." Well, last week was a long time ago and I can't believe I survived all the Job-like challenges that God threw at me.
I read this poem and thought it fit. I guess I can get enthusiastic about poetry as well. I, unlike Carlos, don't think I am a poet, but I like the emotions that are evoked in this poem for me.
The Bridge by Leopold Staff
I didn't believe
Standing on the bank of a river
Which was wide and swift ,
That I would cross that bridge,
Plaited from thin, fragile reeds
Fastened with bast
I walked delicately as a butterfly
And heavily as an elephant,
I walked surely as a dancer
and wavered like a blind man.
I didn't believe that I would cross that bridge
And now that I am standing on the other side,
I don't believe I crossed it.
Carlos was born in New York City, but now he lives in Tegucigalpa. Among the sea of blank stares in 10th grade English, he is a bright spot in my class. He animatedly shares his thoughts, opinions, goals, songs, and even favorite dance moves with a quiet confidence.
He recalled today, in response to the unsavory doctor character in the book, The Pearl by John Steinbeck, that in the history of the United States, blacks were considered to be only on-third human. Amazingly, his thoughtful, but off-the-topic comment, was an open window for me to talk about how people, like our villan, can dehumanize other people because of the color of their skin or their social class. Then the skies parted and magically we transitioned into talking about foreshadowing and the importance of looking for clues in the actions of the characters in order to predict the unfolding of the story.
I quite possibly might have been beaming in class.
After asking me if we would do poetry this year, Carlos informed me that he in fact was a poet. He quickly made an addendum to his statement by adding that he was actually a " rapper-poet." His enthusiasm soundly convinced me that he wasn't joshing me. His participation in class( and his varied and eager responses)is undoubtedly one of things I look most forward to in the day. It makes me think I might be of use to somebody here afterall.
Thank-you all for your prayers and thoughts while Hurricane Felix mostly quietly came and left Honduras yesterday. Although, the damage was minimal in Honduras, our friends in Nicaragua did not fare as well. Of course, the most affected were the Miskitia people on the coast of the two countries where, due to the remoteness of the area, officials found it difficult to evacuate many. Continue to pray for the families of this group of people as some, upon being found unconscious, were hospitalized. Eventhough there were many survivors, as the hurricane blasted them, some some were caught in their boats; those rescued have mostly recuperated ,but bodies are continuing to be found washed-up on shore.
President Zelaya called off school for two days and it was an opportune time to catch-up on many things including:
-cooking a good meal. I introduced some of the teachers to Peruvian cuisine. The joy in my mom's voice as I called her for the recipe was enough enouragement to attempt this recipe that for some reason took me two hours to prepare. To my defense, I was sharing stories from my trip to Peru and manuvering a tiny stove at the same time, and we all know how well I do with multi-tasking
- running for the first time after my dengue fever episode. I asked my friend why she thought we kept getting gawked at by people, given that I had concluded that running outside wasn't an oddity since I had seen several runners throughout the weeks. She promptly reminded me that we were 1)women, 2) running, and 3)wearing shorts. Newsflash: being a woman, running in shorts is a sight to see. I was reminded why being a women in Latin American can stink sometimes.
-doing some awesome devotions from a book that I realize only now that I stole from Calvin's Service-Learning Center. Oops. Sorry Jeff
-doing a hilarious Pilates video
-sleeping.... but I actually still woke up at 5 am automatically. Strange.
One of my favorite quotes comes from the movie,Transamerica. The main character sullenly reflects on the recent events of his life and bemoans," Last week was a long time ago." Well, last week was a long time ago and I can't believe I survived all the Job-like challenges that God threw at me.
I read this poem and thought it fit. I guess I can get enthusiastic about poetry as well. I, unlike Carlos, don't think I am a poet, but I like the emotions that are evoked in this poem for me.
The Bridge by Leopold Staff
I didn't believe
Standing on the bank of a river
Which was wide and swift ,
That I would cross that bridge,
Plaited from thin, fragile reeds
Fastened with bast
I walked delicately as a butterfly
And heavily as an elephant,
I walked surely as a dancer
and wavered like a blind man.
I didn't believe that I would cross that bridge
And now that I am standing on the other side,
I don't believe I crossed it.
Monday, September 3, 2007
"So, that means you had Dengue," the doctor informed me.
Queridos amigos y familia!
I was told this afternoon by the school doctor that I most likely had Dengue Fever this last week. To recap a bit: I had my first day of classes this last Wednesday. School was delayed by two days because of a predicted strike and transportation hold that was sure to follow. I made use of those two days and barely finished my lesson plans. I also on the way, must have gotten bitten by a friendly mosquito, carrying dengue, that made its way into my room because of the gapping hole on the side and courtesty of the conveniently nearby pila, a cesspool for mosquitos, I am sure, outside my room.
Well, I was quite sick last week, but I figured it was the flu and just trudged through the week since it WAS my first week of classes.The doctor says since I show signs that dengue is leaving my system, it would be pointless to run any tests to confirm it. Dengue is an epidimeic in Honduras , especially because of the rainy season we are in currenly. The up side is that now I am immune to this one strain of Dengue for one year. Of course, since there are four types, I can always get the other three and feel like death all over again. I am taking all the available precautions so that doesn't happen again.
Please pray for my housemate Allie and I since we are both since recovering from being sick. We had different symptoms mostly, but it looks like we are both on our way to good health again. Also, please pray for the kids in my classes as well. Obvisously, I was sick so that made the week worse, but it was an extremely trying week regardless. I am gaining more and more respect for teachers everywhere.
No poem today since I can't think of any poems that talk about dengue fever.:(
Mucho amor
I was told this afternoon by the school doctor that I most likely had Dengue Fever this last week. To recap a bit: I had my first day of classes this last Wednesday. School was delayed by two days because of a predicted strike and transportation hold that was sure to follow. I made use of those two days and barely finished my lesson plans. I also on the way, must have gotten bitten by a friendly mosquito, carrying dengue, that made its way into my room because of the gapping hole on the side and courtesty of the conveniently nearby pila, a cesspool for mosquitos, I am sure, outside my room.
Well, I was quite sick last week, but I figured it was the flu and just trudged through the week since it WAS my first week of classes.The doctor says since I show signs that dengue is leaving my system, it would be pointless to run any tests to confirm it. Dengue is an epidimeic in Honduras , especially because of the rainy season we are in currenly. The up side is that now I am immune to this one strain of Dengue for one year. Of course, since there are four types, I can always get the other three and feel like death all over again. I am taking all the available precautions so that doesn't happen again.
Please pray for my housemate Allie and I since we are both since recovering from being sick. We had different symptoms mostly, but it looks like we are both on our way to good health again. Also, please pray for the kids in my classes as well. Obvisously, I was sick so that made the week worse, but it was an extremely trying week regardless. I am gaining more and more respect for teachers everywhere.
No poem today since I can't think of any poems that talk about dengue fever.:(
Mucho amor
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Living in the along
Friends,
Perhaps this may become tradition, I sure hope so, but below is another lovely poem that succintly captures my philosophy on life right now. My preparations for school thus far are in sore need of some help, many prayers coveted.
I was able to visit my old neighborhood Miraflores (woot) yesterday which was wonderful because I finally got to walk around a place I knew in Tegus. Although I did not find her at home I was able to talk with my host mom later that night and felt uplifted by her warm greeting and her statement that I was welcome back at"my house." I also went to the university, la UPN, where I had taken a literature class and magically ran into my old professor. It was one happy reunion.
Speech to the Young, Speech to the Progress-Toward
Say to them
say to the down-keeprs,
the sun -slapers,
the self-soilers,
the harmony-hushers,
"even if you are not ready for day
it cannot always be night."
You will be right
For that is the hard home-run
Live not for battles won.
Live not for the-end-of-the-song.
Live in the along.
by Gwendolyn Brooks
I know I am not ready for day, but I am learning that God is not interested whether I feel ready or not,whether I feel confident or not, or even if I feel called or not, he calls me to be obediant, to live in the along because that is where authentic faith and complete submission to the will of God is required. I am finding living in the along hard to do.
Much love
Perhaps this may become tradition, I sure hope so, but below is another lovely poem that succintly captures my philosophy on life right now. My preparations for school thus far are in sore need of some help, many prayers coveted.
I was able to visit my old neighborhood Miraflores (woot) yesterday which was wonderful because I finally got to walk around a place I knew in Tegus. Although I did not find her at home I was able to talk with my host mom later that night and felt uplifted by her warm greeting and her statement that I was welcome back at"my house." I also went to the university, la UPN, where I had taken a literature class and magically ran into my old professor. It was one happy reunion.
Speech to the Young, Speech to the Progress-Toward
Say to them
say to the down-keeprs,
the sun -slapers,
the self-soilers,
the harmony-hushers,
"even if you are not ready for day
it cannot always be night."
You will be right
For that is the hard home-run
Live not for battles won.
Live not for the-end-of-the-song.
Live in the along.
by Gwendolyn Brooks
I know I am not ready for day, but I am learning that God is not interested whether I feel ready or not,whether I feel confident or not, or even if I feel called or not, he calls me to be obediant, to live in the along because that is where authentic faith and complete submission to the will of God is required. I am finding living in the along hard to do.
Much love
Saturday, August 18, 2007
I thank you God for most this amazing day......
Hello from the city of Tegucigalpa, Honduras!
I am sitting here in my classroom at the International School, with a beautiful view of the city below, happily contemplating the events of the last three days. I arrived just fine on Wendesday and was able to meet up with most of the first year teachers in Houston. The flight landing into the "bowl" was exciting and hilarious as before and the moment I stepped outside of the airport I took a deep breath and felt so happy being back in Honduras. To make matters even better, it rained the first night which of course put me in high spirits.
We had a wonderful reception from our collegues at the International Schoo, complete with traditional dances and warm hugs. Since then, we have been shuttled to orientation everyday since classes start about one week from today for most of us. In case I didn't mention it to you, I will be teaching 10th and 11th grade English,Drama, Media,and Speech ( I know, I just found out myself). I would greatly appreciate your prayers since I know I have so much to learn about being a teacher and mentor to the students in my class. I would also request that you pray that God may give me patience as I have felt frustration about being oriented as just another North American foreigner and as many of you already know I struggle to see how I fit into these different molds that I always find too limiting.
I am been overwhelmed, encouraged, challenged, and invigorated in many ways already and everyday I find another reason for why I know I am supposed to be here. I am also reminded of one of my favorite poems as I reflect on the awe and wonder I feel about what God is doing in my life and in the rest of the world and creation.
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
by E.E. Cummings
I wish I could talk to you all and I hope this can be just one means through which we communicate ( skype, think skype). I think of so many of you often and the ways that God has used you to do a good thing in my life. Thank-you for caring and loving me.
Mucho amor
I am sitting here in my classroom at the International School, with a beautiful view of the city below, happily contemplating the events of the last three days. I arrived just fine on Wendesday and was able to meet up with most of the first year teachers in Houston. The flight landing into the "bowl" was exciting and hilarious as before and the moment I stepped outside of the airport I took a deep breath and felt so happy being back in Honduras. To make matters even better, it rained the first night which of course put me in high spirits.
We had a wonderful reception from our collegues at the International Schoo, complete with traditional dances and warm hugs. Since then, we have been shuttled to orientation everyday since classes start about one week from today for most of us. In case I didn't mention it to you, I will be teaching 10th and 11th grade English,Drama, Media,and Speech ( I know, I just found out myself). I would greatly appreciate your prayers since I know I have so much to learn about being a teacher and mentor to the students in my class. I would also request that you pray that God may give me patience as I have felt frustration about being oriented as just another North American foreigner and as many of you already know I struggle to see how I fit into these different molds that I always find too limiting.
I am been overwhelmed, encouraged, challenged, and invigorated in many ways already and everyday I find another reason for why I know I am supposed to be here. I am also reminded of one of my favorite poems as I reflect on the awe and wonder I feel about what God is doing in my life and in the rest of the world and creation.
i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)
how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any--lifted from the no
of allnothing--human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
by E.E. Cummings
I wish I could talk to you all and I hope this can be just one means through which we communicate ( skype, think skype). I think of so many of you often and the ways that God has used you to do a good thing in my life. Thank-you for caring and loving me.
Mucho amor
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