I have started attending a church in a movie theatre. The cine-iglesia is called Redencion. The first service to which I went, they were still meeting in a hotel in the downtown area. Then I came to their bible study on a Tuesday and by the end of that night, I was signed-up to be part of their praise and worship team. Hilariously, on my second service, I was already singing in front of church. The church has a wonderful mission to meet people where they transit, which ends up being in more non-conventional places like the shopping center, Plaza Miraflores where the theatre is located. Our bible study groups will branch out from the liquadas business- a fruit smoothie-type establishment- where we now meet, to coffee shops, different universities, and in members’ homes.
It is very exciting to be part of this fledging church. We rock-out with a full band on Sundays, watch announcements on the “ big screen”, hear the word of God while sitting in movie theatre seats, and yes, the presence of God is very much in that place. We are a small group, and the moment I entered the group, I was warmly received into part of their family. They have lavished me with so much prayer and encouragement, ministering to me as the body of Christ by providing me with much needed spiritual direction.
Tuesday was the first day of first quarter exams. Everything was in place; so, naturally, everything had to go terribly wrong. All my exams were missing one page. We didn’t find this out until after they had all been distributed. To make matters worse, there were two versions of the test for both 10th and 11th grade - in order to minimize cheating- and my 90 odd students were scattered in ten different classrooms- also to minimize cheating- in the high school. Results: chaos. Copies had to be made expeditiously. I had to go to, literally, every single student and give them their added page, while at the same time, trying to entertain questions about the exam. I thought I understood the meaning of the word trust. I thought I understood the meaning of the word patience. Well, I was wrong on both counts.
God is teaching me many hard lessons on how to not just “ talk “ about having faith in Him, but actually living in this faith every day. Hebrews 11 talks about how this discipline is God’s training so that we might truly live lives of true worship and obedience. Being trained in the lessons of faith is not easy, but I believe that the alternative is far worse. Dallas Willard writes ,” Non discipleship costs abiding peace, a life penetrated throughout by love, faith that sees everything in the light of God's overriding governance for good, hopefulness that stands firm in the most
discouraging of circumstances, power to do what is right and withstand
the forces of evil. In short, it costs exactly the abundance of life Jesus said he came to bring."
I want this kind of abundant life. So I guess that means more training for me. I really enjoyed this following poem for many reasons; I hope you will too.
The Waking
by Theodore Roethke
I wake to sleep, and I take my waking slow
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear,
I learn by going where I have go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air.
And lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
Love, Love, and more Love,
Grace
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
This is not about your abilities
Today is the first day-off for us IST teachers. However, this break did not translate into a weekend of travel due to the pending 1st quarter exams next week and the impressive piles of work that come as a result. Nevertheless, I was able to fit in a highly anticipated visit to Nueva Suyapa, to meet some old and new friends. I am now a volunteer for our favorite Honduran organization, Association for More Just Society ( ASJ), working with the youth transformation project in Nueva Suyapa, one of the poorest neighborhoods in Tegucigalpa
There were about a dozen youth ranging from 13-20 years old, meeting in the newly established recreation room on the Onesimo school grounds. It was exhilirating to hear every single one of these leaders-in- training, voice their desire to see a change in their neighborhood. Fortunately, I was not obligated to contribute much, mostly because they were evaluating their work from the last year. Regardless, it was so important for me to just sit and listen to them share their past experiences and their goals for the future of the group. Please pray for the continued strengthening of this group of youth in Nueva Suyapa and the work they do for the betterment of their neighborhood. Since I am stepping in to provide support for this project and feel quite underqualified, please say a prayer for me as well.
As an answer to prayer,a teacher this week shared a verse from Exodus 4:11-12 that uplifted me. In Chapter 4, Moses is confused about why he is chosen for this daunting task of speaking for the Hebrew people and asks God to find someone " better qualified." Then the Lord responds- get ready for this one-, " Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who give them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." God is basically saying- this is not about your abilities, it's about mine. Whoa- powerful stuff. Recently, I have been feeling underqualified in so many areas of life ,but I have to hold steadfast to the truth that my gifts and talents come from God. This experience is allowing me to clearly see and trust that he is in control of every situation.
Thank-you friends and family for the encouraging emails and phonecalls this week; I can't thank you enough. I covet your prayers since it is going to be a very difficult week. I have always dreaded exam week and now I am the one the one distributing pain and suffering via tests. How do teachers manage?
Love, Love, and more Love
Grace
There were about a dozen youth ranging from 13-20 years old, meeting in the newly established recreation room on the Onesimo school grounds. It was exhilirating to hear every single one of these leaders-in- training, voice their desire to see a change in their neighborhood. Fortunately, I was not obligated to contribute much, mostly because they were evaluating their work from the last year. Regardless, it was so important for me to just sit and listen to them share their past experiences and their goals for the future of the group. Please pray for the continued strengthening of this group of youth in Nueva Suyapa and the work they do for the betterment of their neighborhood. Since I am stepping in to provide support for this project and feel quite underqualified, please say a prayer for me as well.
As an answer to prayer,a teacher this week shared a verse from Exodus 4:11-12 that uplifted me. In Chapter 4, Moses is confused about why he is chosen for this daunting task of speaking for the Hebrew people and asks God to find someone " better qualified." Then the Lord responds- get ready for this one-, " Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who give them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." God is basically saying- this is not about your abilities, it's about mine. Whoa- powerful stuff. Recently, I have been feeling underqualified in so many areas of life ,but I have to hold steadfast to the truth that my gifts and talents come from God. This experience is allowing me to clearly see and trust that he is in control of every situation.
Thank-you friends and family for the encouraging emails and phonecalls this week; I can't thank you enough. I covet your prayers since it is going to be a very difficult week. I have always dreaded exam week and now I am the one the one distributing pain and suffering via tests. How do teachers manage?
Love, Love, and more Love
Grace
Saturday, October 6, 2007
A new day to write on
Attention Everyone: I am still alive!
Many apologies for the unnecessarily long delay in updating this blog; there were many times when I longed to be free to just write. It would be an understatement to simply say, “ I’ve been busy.”
Teaching has become a bottomless pit of work. It has steadily put a great strain on me, both physically and emotionally. In the last weeks, I have felt overwhelmed and overworked, to name only a few emotions. A fellow teacher shared with me the other day that the first months of teaching is all “ give, give, give,” with little to nothing received in return. I have felt the acute consequences of such a process.
After the initial two-week initiation, I assumed that I was winning the battle over classroom management- big mistake. I presume that what I was witnessing was the “ quiet before the storm” because the kids lambasted me with every comprehensible trick in the book, including those I never would have imagined. Austin, this is what you have been waiting (I am sure) to hear from me. It began slowly and annoyingly with my attendance and seating charts going “ missing” and the occasional abrupt singing of “ happy birthday” by the entire class. Then it escalated to the disappearance of my dry-erase markers and the incessant, paper ball throwing games behind my back. It peaked with someone throwing a pop bottle near my head while I was writing at the board and it culminated with a small fire being started in my class; yes, during class.
Whew, thinking about it still makes me cringe. Needless to say, major steps were immediately taken to prevent any further disaster. All the teachers and administration must have gotten wind of it because I have gotten countless offers of assistance. I had to grow a new layer of thick skin rather quickly and bring down the iron fist that I hastily acquired after the fire incident. The kids noted the change and felt alarmed at the drastic change in my discipline procedures.
I understood that taking on this job would be a challenge. I was ready to be humbled by this experience. I knew that in the beginning everything would appear daunting. I had even succumbed to wait for the moment when I would fail, but all of this did not lessen the intensity of the complete and utter lose of control I felt those days. I suppose I could relate a much longer and detailed account of the events following, but I think all that needs to said in order to calm your worries is that I prayed- a lot.
Of course, I initially despaired, but that quickly leads you to a place you can’t last very long without losing all hope and I find it a contradiction to be a Christian and not have hope. If there is anything that I gained from my undergraduate years at Calvin, it is- good old Christian Reformed theology-since depravity has touched every corner of God’s earth then so much more will God’s redemptive power reach every inch of his created order.
To be perfectly honest, I still don’t have a clue of what I am doing. Someone from church told me God is able to work perfectly in us when we don’t know how to do the work, because then we can be certain that when it is accomplished, it was all his doing. I don’t know how sound of theology that is exactly, but I do understand the underlying message behind the words. I am a big fan of common grace, so that withstanding, I have as of late, been rising in the early morning and acknowledging the fact that in order to do some “ good” that day, I have to empty myself completely and ask God to step in and do the work. God says to cast our worries on him, not so he can take them away, but so that we can be sustaied by his grace that is sufficient for us.
Yesterday, one of my students requested to talk with me in private. I was flabbergasted to hear this girl, who only a day before had stormed out of my class, while giving me the look of death, but now was standing in front of me, not only apologizing, but offering her help to make this a better class. Truly, I don’t know what to expect anymore. Every day is a new possibility to make mistakes and fail, but more importantly it’s also an opportunity to apologize, to be forgiven by the most unlikely of people, and to be redeemed. The following poem reminds me of God’s promise to make all things new, if I let him do the “ writing.” It assures me that tomorrow is another chance to experience God’s redeeming power.
Metaphor
By Eve Merriam
Morning is
A new sheet of paper
For you to write on.
Whatever you want to say
All day
Until night
Folds it up
And files it away.
The bright words and the dark words
Are gone
Until dawn
And a new day
To write on.
Friends and family: please continue to pray for me; I need it. Endless thanks to you Hannah for reminding me of the words of the Heidelberg catechism because my one comfort has truly become that, "I am not my own, but belong body and soul to my Savior." Your words echo in my head: “ Success is overrated. Faithfulness is what we need.” Thank-you dear friend for those pearls of wisdom. Amen.
Love, Love, and more Love,
Grace
Many apologies for the unnecessarily long delay in updating this blog; there were many times when I longed to be free to just write. It would be an understatement to simply say, “ I’ve been busy.”
Teaching has become a bottomless pit of work. It has steadily put a great strain on me, both physically and emotionally. In the last weeks, I have felt overwhelmed and overworked, to name only a few emotions. A fellow teacher shared with me the other day that the first months of teaching is all “ give, give, give,” with little to nothing received in return. I have felt the acute consequences of such a process.
After the initial two-week initiation, I assumed that I was winning the battle over classroom management- big mistake. I presume that what I was witnessing was the “ quiet before the storm” because the kids lambasted me with every comprehensible trick in the book, including those I never would have imagined. Austin, this is what you have been waiting (I am sure) to hear from me. It began slowly and annoyingly with my attendance and seating charts going “ missing” and the occasional abrupt singing of “ happy birthday” by the entire class. Then it escalated to the disappearance of my dry-erase markers and the incessant, paper ball throwing games behind my back. It peaked with someone throwing a pop bottle near my head while I was writing at the board and it culminated with a small fire being started in my class; yes, during class.
Whew, thinking about it still makes me cringe. Needless to say, major steps were immediately taken to prevent any further disaster. All the teachers and administration must have gotten wind of it because I have gotten countless offers of assistance. I had to grow a new layer of thick skin rather quickly and bring down the iron fist that I hastily acquired after the fire incident. The kids noted the change and felt alarmed at the drastic change in my discipline procedures.
I understood that taking on this job would be a challenge. I was ready to be humbled by this experience. I knew that in the beginning everything would appear daunting. I had even succumbed to wait for the moment when I would fail, but all of this did not lessen the intensity of the complete and utter lose of control I felt those days. I suppose I could relate a much longer and detailed account of the events following, but I think all that needs to said in order to calm your worries is that I prayed- a lot.
Of course, I initially despaired, but that quickly leads you to a place you can’t last very long without losing all hope and I find it a contradiction to be a Christian and not have hope. If there is anything that I gained from my undergraduate years at Calvin, it is- good old Christian Reformed theology-since depravity has touched every corner of God’s earth then so much more will God’s redemptive power reach every inch of his created order.
To be perfectly honest, I still don’t have a clue of what I am doing. Someone from church told me God is able to work perfectly in us when we don’t know how to do the work, because then we can be certain that when it is accomplished, it was all his doing. I don’t know how sound of theology that is exactly, but I do understand the underlying message behind the words. I am a big fan of common grace, so that withstanding, I have as of late, been rising in the early morning and acknowledging the fact that in order to do some “ good” that day, I have to empty myself completely and ask God to step in and do the work. God says to cast our worries on him, not so he can take them away, but so that we can be sustaied by his grace that is sufficient for us.
Yesterday, one of my students requested to talk with me in private. I was flabbergasted to hear this girl, who only a day before had stormed out of my class, while giving me the look of death, but now was standing in front of me, not only apologizing, but offering her help to make this a better class. Truly, I don’t know what to expect anymore. Every day is a new possibility to make mistakes and fail, but more importantly it’s also an opportunity to apologize, to be forgiven by the most unlikely of people, and to be redeemed. The following poem reminds me of God’s promise to make all things new, if I let him do the “ writing.” It assures me that tomorrow is another chance to experience God’s redeeming power.
Metaphor
By Eve Merriam
Morning is
A new sheet of paper
For you to write on.
Whatever you want to say
All day
Until night
Folds it up
And files it away.
The bright words and the dark words
Are gone
Until dawn
And a new day
To write on.
Friends and family: please continue to pray for me; I need it. Endless thanks to you Hannah for reminding me of the words of the Heidelberg catechism because my one comfort has truly become that, "I am not my own, but belong body and soul to my Savior." Your words echo in my head: “ Success is overrated. Faithfulness is what we need.” Thank-you dear friend for those pearls of wisdom. Amen.
Love, Love, and more Love,
Grace
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)